Mmm so I started MySpace-ing because apparently all these new bands have webpages with their music up. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is bye bye Xanga...

Well... for now at least. 

We'll see.

I think its a shame that I don't have time to read as much as I used to.  I took this out of my collection of sayings and poetry and whatever else that strikes me...  I like to take it out and read it or rewrite it when I'm stressed.

This is from Thorton Wilder's Our Town.

(The stage manager standing on the hill of the cemetery of the small town:)

"Yes, an awful lot of sorrow has sort of quieted down up here. 

People just wild with grief have brought their relatives up to this hill.  We all know how it is... and then time... and sunny days... and rainy days...'n snow... "

"You know as well as I do that the dead don't stay interested in us living people for very long.  Gradually, gradually they lose hold of the earth... and the ambitions they had... and the pleasures they had... and the things they suffered... and the people they loved.  They get weaned away..."

"Some of the things they're going to say maybe'll hurt your feelings--- but that's the way it is: mother'n daughter... husband'n wife... enemy'n enemy...money'n miser... all those terribly important things kind of grow pale around here.  And what's left when memory's gone...?"

I think I always joke about cancer and death because it's one of the things that scares me the most.  I feel like joking about it will ... I don't know... brace me?  Keep me in control?

Life just seems so fragile.  People live and then they die. You fall apart. You desperately grasp onto your memories of them...with them... their belongings.   You grieve.  Then sunny days and winter...they come and go and come again... and then slowly, life goes on.  You put their belongings in a box on the closet shelf.  Eventually, even the memory of them becomes fuzzy.  And what's left of them in this world if your memory of them fades?

Sometimes I feel that I can recover from almost anything.  But if something happens to my family... I don't think I could put myself back together again.

And the fear of losing them... it's here with me... everyday.

I was active yesterday from 11:30pm to 9:00 this morning. 2 SART calls.  Can you believe it?  I knew I was going to get called in because it was St. Patty's day and that equals drinking and craziness... but TWO?  I have two finals tomorrow.  I am really stressed.  But I need to get this off my chest.  Of course... due to confidentiality issues... I have to be vague..but AHHGHGSKDHG!

What KIND of SICK bastard sexually assaults a friend's wife who is SEVEN months PREGNANT with TWINS??? 

I'm there at the hospital, trying to calm the husband, who's all gung ho about pressing charges, by saying things like.... let's keep the focus on your wife... 

Meanwhile... I'm fuming

She's so stressed that she's been having contractions.  Long story short... we couldn't even do the narrative or the medical exam because her contractions were 2 minutes apart.  So we had to call the ambulance.

THAT RAT BASTARD.

I feel bad for cussing and then asking whoever is reading this to pray for her... but please do say a prayer for her and her twins.

As said on June's pin button... "Fly paper for Freaks"

So he comes back in to chat....  About sponges.  SPONGES.

and mumbles something about how he had read my email and whether or not we were enemies.

Enemies?  How OLD are you?  Of course I said no.  But my stomach clenched... REALLY tight.  Then I noticed that he's holding a bag of prescriptions from the pharmacy.

So all the while I'm talking to him, I'm thinking... He's CRazy.  That's why He's on meDs... 

The first one you think: "What planet are you from?!"

The second one you think: "what a coincidence you must be from the same planet as the first guy..."

The THirD one..... "I have such bad luck..."

But the FOURTH one?  then its just DEFINITELY ME.

THEN as an exit line he says... "See you later."

http://www.theatermania.com/content/show.cfm/show/113064

This is seriously one of the best plays I have ever seen.  Each piece was so moving.  I was crying.. I was laughing... I was bawling.  I walked out of that theater absolutely drained.  I didn't even notice when a homeless guy came up to my window as I was driving home... until he was way next to the window all up in my face yelling "hey.. gimme a ride home"

I guess a little explanation on the title "Da Kink In My Hair".  We (women) keep all of our secrets and pain inside... our pain and our secrets seep out into our hair... hence the kinks.  Trey Anthony (the playwright)  plays the hair dresser who styles the hair of a bunch of women.  These women each segue from the scene to tell their story...  Often the scenes get so emotional that I guess they hit some sort of emotional ceiling and they can't intensify it anymore except by breaking out into song.

I don't even know what I'm writing anymore... I'm so tired... But yes.. a very very moving piece of work.